Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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