do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
