get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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