sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
jump out the window naked night went bad
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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