I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I will pee on everything he values.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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