hotel room ftw
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize