You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
