so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
