The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
