If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
