found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
