If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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