Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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