how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
