5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The best revenge is premature balding
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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