All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
