Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
