words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
