sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
