get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize