There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
