I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
