# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
