We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
