Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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