im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
