Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
