Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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