All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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