sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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