Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
