Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
