I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
