Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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