was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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