uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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