I'm lost and stupid without you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
where am i from again
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
