Kiss
Puke
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
