There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
