tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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