WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
