You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
