so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
