so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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