This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
