I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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