I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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