She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
