guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
