VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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