we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
