Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
