can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
