You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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