I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want nice things and good sex
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
