its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Help. Why am I so naked?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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