K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
