I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
