I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
