I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
