Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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