By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize