He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
