the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
