Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
