dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize