please come you make the beer taste better
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
