i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
