checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
