He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
